Use the Force, Zoro!
by Reda
Summary: /one shot/ PURE CRACK! Light Yaoi! MihawkxZoro! Mihawk orders Star Wars for a Netflix movie and Zoro has a rather disturbing dream. Honestly, take the crack warning to heart.


**Author Notes: **I can not stress how much I apologize for the crack fic that this became. Honestly, I lost all control.

Inspiration for this scene-setting came from Wander-sempai (ie: The Wandering Swordsman) so go read her fics if you like the setup! And I guess I should dedicate it to her, too, since she's a big MihawkxZoro fan. (Thank you for writing such great fics, Wander-sempai(is it okay to call you so?); I have been a horrid lurker of your work for a while and need to go back and review every chapter of every fic to make up for it xD!) Also, I think I hint-referenced some of her MihawkxZoro fics, too in little bits and pieces. (Because they're all so great!)

Side note: Some of the things I make them say are so...off...it feels weird writing it. Oi...

**Disclaimer:** It sure gets tiring putting this up here every time. Should be obvious that I don't own One Piece and that I don't claim it as mine. I mean, I'm writing terrible fanfics for it! Because it's addicting and I can't stop! xD I don't own Star Wars, either.

**Day/Theme: **Sept 8th - "nourish your own ruthlessness"

**Spoilers/Timeline: **Be caught up! (occurs during Time Skip *cough*)

**Pairing: **MihawkxZoro, some slight accidental SanjixLuffy (and I mean _very_ slight)

**Warning: **CRACK! Yaoi fluff and a lil more; Star Wars lines/situations/movie used; also, I have no explanation for why there is a TV and X-box in Mihawk's castle or why they would be watching Star Wars of all things; several very-lame-and-cheesy-jokes below as well as more-than-likely OOCness; enjoy the crack! xD

~!~

Use The Force, Zoro

~!~

Zoro picked up the mail that day feeling more annoyed than usual. It had been a month since Mihawk had agreed to train him - an entire _month_ - and still the damn old pervert, also known as 'the greatest swordsman' by unsuspecting innocents, had yet to teach him anything of value. Oh, there had been training of a sorts - Zoro felt his face blush at the reminder - but not the kind he had wanted, nor expected.

Grumbling to himself about having to do stupid chores that didn't even amount to endurance training, Zoro continued to sift through the day's mail.

_Bill..._ he moved it to the bottom of the stack.

_Bill..._and repeated the action

An advertisement magazine came up from the pile next. Titled "Swords R Us," the cover showed a picture of different swords and a polishing kit. A set of words at the bottom read: "_New techniques on polishing your swords!"_

Zoro felt his face heat up at the memory of a certain old man pervert teaching _him_ a set of 'new techniques' on how to 'polish one's sword.' He did _not_ need that memory _now. _He was lucky enough to have the time to work on the house chores. Mihawk was always so demanding when he was awake.

He tossed the magazine to the side, making a pile and mentally cataloging it as 'junk.' A stupid "Seventeen" magazine quickly followed that path. At least until a certain ghost-girl decided to show herself and start yelling in his ear.

"Don't throw that away! That's for me!"

He immediately felt a sense of dread and uselessness as one of Persona's negative ghosts went through his body. Zoro slumped forward for a few moments before managing to shake the feeling and shoot to his feet to turn on her. "Would you stop doing that?"

She shouted back, pulling away from him but not retreating. "You can't just decide to throw something away because you don't like it!"

"Yeah, well, there's no reason for you to have that magazine; it has nothing to do with you!"

"Does too!"

"You look nothing like the girls in that!"

Perona twirled her umbrella behind her and floated in closer, making herself eye-to-eye with Zoro. "Are you saying I'm ugly?" She shrieked.

Zoro crossed his arms and glared right back at her. "Yes you are." He lifted a hand and started pointing as he began to spell, "U-G-Lllllllllllllllll"

He was cut off by Perona's shriek and multiple attack of negative ghosts, causing Zoro to slump to the castle floor - the shriek causing Mihawk to wake up from his nap all the way on the other side of the castle.

When Mihawk made it to the mail room, he shook his head and snapped at the ghost-girl. "Don't beat up your mother!"

Perona immediately shrieked back at him, pointing a finger, but keeping her distance all the same as the greatest swordsman walked over to where Zoro was lying on the floor. "I'm not your kid! And he's not my mom," she muttered, getting quieter when the well-known hawk-eyed glare got closer.

Meanwhile, Zoro was lying with his face in a pile of mail when he noticed a familiar red and white colored box. _Who ordered the Netflix_? With a curious frown, Zoro sat up, pulling the Netflix box out and opening it to reveal an old but still well known movie DvD.

"Star Wars?" He muttered. "Who the fuck ordered this?"

Mihawk stepped up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I did. It's late though."

Zoro groaned. "Please tell me we're not watching this."

Mihawk frowned. "I thought it would make a good introduction to your training."

Perona floated up on Zoro's other side, leaning over his shoulder to stare at the DvD in his hand. "What's it about?"

Zoro and Mihawk both turned to stare at her. "You don't know what Star Wars is?" Zoro asked.

As Perona shook her head, Mihawk sighed. "Pity." Then he reached down and proceeded to pick up an unsuspecting green haired swordsman, throwing the young man over his shoulder. "All the more reason to watch."

"Oi, I can walk!" Zoro complained, not liking the embarrassing position.

"I like this better," Mihawk muttered, slapping Zoro's ass a few times to accent the point, grinning when the younger swordsman tensed and stopped squirming.

Perona floated behind them, shaking her head, but eyes gleaming in a very fangirl-like gleam. They all made it to the living room shortly and Perona was given the duty of turning on the X-box and putting in the Netflix DvD - because Zoro was currently preoccupied on the couch.

"O-Oi! The movie hasn't even started yet!"

Looking to the couch, Perona saw that Zoro was sitting on one side with his elbow on the arm, but Mihawk had sidled up next to him and had a hand on his leg, reaching closer to...somewhere else. "It's ready, perverts!" She snapped, twirling her umbrella in her hand and floating to the unoccupied chair that still had a good view of the TV.

As the famous movie introductory music started up, Zoro found himself yawning. "I hate this movie. I'll just sleep through it."

Mihawk's eyes lit up and he reached out to pull Zoro's head on his lap. "Sleep on me, Roronoa."

"Gah! NO!" Zoro exclaimed, shooting back up.

But Mihawk was ready and had Zoro's face back in his lap in no time, albeit a little rougher than had been intended. Zoro sighed and gave in, shifting slightly to get comfortable, facing towards the television even if he was going to refuse to watch. To his surprise, Mihawk didn't try to do anything perverted; he seemed content to just stroke the green hair, and Zoro found himself extremely comfortable and easily slipping off to dream land...

~!~

Zoro's dream started off not all too different from ones he had experienced before. The setting: a forest. The colors: dark and shadowed. The air: foreboding. It made perfect sense for him to shiver and glance around for an enemy, especially when he realized he was alone without a weapon. Not that being swordless made things hard; it just set him on edge to be at less than his best.

"Feel the force, _flowing_ through you."

He blinked and spun around at the voice - _Mihawk's_ voice, in such an uncharacteristic manner - to see a miniature version of the Greatest Swordsman. A miniature version that had green skin and large ears and a stick and robes that resembled a Jedi's robe and... at least he had the hat and cross-shaped knife wrapped as a necklace hanging at his chest. His mind explained it easily: a cross-over of Mihawk and Yoda from the Star Wars universe. But his mind also wanted to know _why_ he would dream such a thing...

"Oi, what the hell?" He said, pointing a finger at the mini-Mihawk.

"Concentrate!" The little dwarf of a creature snapped back at him.

Zoro put a hand to his head and sighed. "I need to wake up and get out of here."

To which the little Yoda-Mihawk responded. "Tch. He is too old. Too restless. I cannot train _him_. The boy has no patience."

"He will learn patience." As Zoro watched another figure appeared into his field of vision: a pale white, floating, but otherwise normal version of his old sensei from the dojo way back when. "Was I any different when you taught me?"

"Sensei?" Zoro questioned, feeling a headache start forming between his eyes.

This dream was already getting out of hand. Koshiro turned to him and frowned, as did Yoda-Mihawk. Zoro shook his head and turned around, walking away. "Roronoa! Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side!"

Grumbling under his breath about Mihawk not sounding right as Yoda and how could his dream make such a strange comparison. If anything, Mihawk should be Darth Vader. He stopped trekking through the wilderness at the thought. Who _would_ his subconscious set as Darth Vader?

And, because this was a dream, the scenery changed randomly and suddenly.

He had a sword in hand, well, a lightsaber, and his dream mind had decided to answer his earlier question. Who was Darth Vader? He felt a sweat drop form as the great Sith character stepped forward to cross swords. Zoro felt awkward moving with just one sword, and especially with one from a movie.

In front of him, a black-clothed Bartholomew Kuma, face expressionless as always, stepped back, leaving Zoro to stand poised between his adversary and an insanely long drop below. _Famous scene 354, movie 2_. _Actually, probably most famous scene in the Star Wars legacy. _

He grimaced as Kuma opened his mouth, knowing exactly what was about to be spoken. "Zoro, I am your father!"

With a groan, Zoro shook his head. "Yeah, I am not going to scream 'no' like a whiny baby; I'm just gonna jump and hope I knock myself awake on the way down."

And he did so, grimacing when there was no end to the damn dream. Like in the movie, he was picked up by the Millennium Falcon where he got to meet the actors starring for Han Solo and Leia.

Luffy greeted him, hair long and braided on top of his head in buns, wearing a white dress and smiling up at him. "Oi, Zoro, are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine, besides just having Kuma telling me he was my father..."

Luffy gasped and then blinked. "Wait, who's Kuma?"

Zoro sighed and covered his eyes with his hands, praying to have this dream end already, damn it all. "I mean Darth Vader. Whatever."

Luffy gasped again and Sanji moved in behind Leia-Luffy, acting exactly the part of Han Solo and wrapping his arms around her - _him_. Zoro glared, to which Sanji shrugged and smirked. "Hey. It's me."

~!~

Zoro snapped his eyes open, breathing deeply. Only to have a moan escape as an entirely different feeling shot through his body. He snapped his eyes to the man above him and tried to give a glare to _a perfectly normal Mihawk thank god_. "Y-you!" He clenched his teeth for a moment, trying to think straight as another wave of pleasure assaulted him. "What are you doing?"

Mihawk just frowned. "Hn, I thought you were asleep."

"Well, I was until you-" He bit the rest of it off, fighting the moan on the tip of his tongue. Damn pervert, always making him so... "Uhn..." He lifted an arm, intending to smack Mihawk off of him, but the swordsman just bent his arm back down to rest above Zoro's head, twining their fingers together.

"I'm being playful, and curious."

Zoro blinked and then shivered as Mihawk stroked him. "H-ahhh...?"

"About your dream."

Feeling his face blush without his permission, Zoro growled. "Why?"

Mihawk smiled, his golden hawk eyes gleaming. "Because you said my name."

As Zoro tried to think back on when he had ever said Mihawk's name, Perona sat in her comfy chair with a pillow pulled up between her legs and chest, trying to block out the sounds Zoro was making on the couch. "Shut up! Some of us are actually trying to watch the movie!"

~!~

_A/N: Ah hah... Baaaaaad...I really can't do Mihawk well at all; I'll personally just stick to the crew members, I think. Gah ~ *bows to Wander-sempai even more after realizing how hard it is to write this character*_

_So, anyway, Kairi got me thinking of another crack idea: the One Piece crew members playing Halo (idea brought on b/c of the x-box). _

_Zoro: Why can't I carry three guns? *tries putting a gun in his mouth and keeps hitting his helmet*_

_Luffy: Why do I have to use a gun?__  
Rest of crew: Just hit them with it!  
Luffy: Okay! *gets a shotgun and starts hitting people on the head with it*_

_Usopp: *uses Rocket Launcher as his favorite weapon* HAHAHA BURN EVERYTHING WILL BURN!_

_Nami: I think it would be much more productive to sell all these weapons instead of throwing them on the ground when I'm out of ammo..._

_Sanji: *learns how to use a gun with his feet*  
__Zoro: Oi! How'd you do that?  
Sanji: My secret, marimo!_

_Chopper: Omg! Stop shooting each other! Omg! *tries to run around and cure people but Halo doesn't have a medic so...* *freaks out*_

_Robin: *tops the assassination charts* *grin*_

_Franky: SUPAR! *gets killed* *jumps out again and makes another pose before aiming* *gets shot again*  
Crew members: STOP TELLING THEM WHERE YOU ARE!_

_Brook: You can't kill me! I'm already dead! Yohohohoho! Skull joke! *is shot*_

_Yeah...I have had way too much to drink, I think. And it's definitely time to do some homework._


End file.
